Penny Casselman [00:00:00]:
In today's world, we are so distracted with our phones, with to do lists, with how fast everything is moving. And it's fact that our brains can think thoughts and process ideas faster than we can get them out of our mouth. And in there lies the problem, is that as we're hearing somebody talk, our brains are off and running. They are going a 1,000 miles per hour thinking about what we're gonna say. And so listening is truly one of the top gifts that you can give someone at any time. Welcome to the Pivot with Passion podcast. Hi. I'm Penny Casselman.
Penny Casselman [00:00:56]:
I believe everyone is deserving of a phenomenal life, and that life starts when you grab a red marker and claim what you truly desire. Regardless of where you came from, where you're at, or where you think you're headed, life is what you make of it. And when you learn to pivot with passion, your world explodes with opportunities. Go grab your favorite beverage and let's shake things up as we explore how to pivot with passion. Welcome to another episode of the Pivot with Passion podcast. I am Penny. I am profoundly happy that you are here. I was trying to come up with a p word that meant happy, and I just couldn't make that connection.
Penny Casselman [00:01:45]:
Anyway, whether you are new to the podcast or you have been with me for a while, thanks for hanging out with me this week. I so cherish our time together, and thank you for having me in your ears. 1st and foremost, let me start off by saying my birthday was amazing. It was fantastic. I had a lovely time. The official day was 7th, and I let myself completely enjoy the day. And one of the places that I went, which did require a quick road trip, was to go shopping at IKEA and wandered, got a whole bunch of little things. Okay.
Penny Casselman [00:02:30]:
So that's a quick update on my birthday. Having said that, I celebrate all month, and so my celebrations are still in progress. In fact, this Sunday, I have a gathering for me and 2 of my close girlfriends to celebrate our collective birthdays, it got me wondering. I don't know if you experienced this, but I cannot tell you how many of my close friends all have birthdays within 45 days of each other. It's very strange. They're all in May June, slightly skewing a little bit more towards May. I don't know. Is that like a horoscope kind of thing? I want I'm curious.
Penny Casselman [00:03:14]:
If you find that you have friends groups that are like that, email me. I would love to know. It's just it blows my mind. Okay. Let's dive in. And with my mind still in that birthday wish realm, I wanted to talk about listening. And you might say, how does this relate to anything? Well, listening is a gift that you can give anyone at any time, regardless of birthday or occasion. In today's world, we are so distracted with our phones, with to do lists, with how fast everything is moving.
Penny Casselman [00:03:55]:
And it's fact that our brains can think thoughts and process ideas faster than we can get them out of our mouth. And in there lies the problem is that as we're hearing somebody talk, our brains are off and running. They are going a 1,000 miles per hour thinking about what we're gonna say, how it differs from what we think on the topic, completely think of something else that's more pressing than what we believe to be the conversation we're having. And so listening is truly one of the top gifts that you can give someone at any time. I will tell you, maybe you have experienced the same thing, but when I'm talking to someone and they are not paying attention to me, I get annoyed because I can see in their eyes that they are not fully with me. They are focused on something else. And since I can't read minds, I don't know what that is. But isn't it a hard pill to swallow when I finally pause and realize that I have also been that person that might look glazed over as someone is talking to me because my mind has already jumped to a conclusion, thought of something else, wished I were doing something else, and not fully being present for the person who is right in front of me.
Penny Casselman [00:05:28]:
When I think about how important listening is, It impacts how we love, how we learn, how we connect, and how we navigate life. So think of this. Have you ever been in a town you weren't familiar with and you needed directions? Now I get that we all have the Google machine, but if it's someplace new off the beaten path, you don't have cell reception, have you ever asked for directions And then they were not taking you to where you thought you were going. And I started thinking, was that because the person you asked wasn't listening to what you needed and therefore led you astray? Or did you ask someone and then you started going off somewhere else in your mind and missed a crucial turn that they gave you? There's a book called You're Not Listening by Kate Murphy. And at a high level, she goes into 4 barriers that stop us from listening. 1 is distracting technology. No shocker there. The second is discomfort.
Penny Casselman [00:06:39]:
The third is self centeredness, and the 4th are assumptions. As we move through the episode and we start diving into some strategies that could help us enhance our listening gift so that we can give it freely to others at any given moment. I want us to really think about stopping one of the biggest tone deaf responses that I am passionate about helping people overcome is, I'm fine. I'm fine. Someone asks you a question, I'm fine. And think about it when you get that response back, enough said. I want us collectively to stop missing out on all the tiny nuances that we experience when we have meaningful, intentional, and present conversations. I know that when I am not dialed into a conversation, I am missing out on very important details, concepts, feelings that are being generated by the other person.
Penny Casselman [00:07:49]:
And the more I think about it, the more I get a little sad because every person that I choose to interact with deserves me being fully present in the conversation so we can enjoy our time together. Because gift giving is my language, in order for me to fully give gifts at every minute of every day, I have got to learn how to be more present in my communications. It's time for a clarity cocktail. Today, I have 2, yes, 2 clarity cocktails for you. 1 is a more traditional clarity cocktail, and that's in the form of a quote. Oh my gosh. We're halfway through my birthday month, and I realized I haven't given you the gift of a new drink recipe yet. So let's just start off the clarity cocktail with that.
Penny Casselman [00:08:51]:
Now last night, a friend of mine introduced me to a drink called a spaghette, and you spell it like spaghetti without the I. I will leave the recipe in the show notes. Now at first blush, when you hear the ingredients, your nose will probably curl, and I might hear you say eww because that's exactly what I did. However, after putting all the ingredients together and taking a sip, it was like unicorns dancing on my tongue. Yes. It was that delicious, and it's a beautiful color when you put it all together. So without further ado, let me introduce you to the spaghet. It starts with a bottle of Miller High Life.
Penny Casselman [00:09:36]:
Yes, my friends. The champagne of beers. You then go grab a bottle of Aperol, which is this super vibrant, like orange red color. This aperitif comes from Italy. And for a while, it was having a big raging moment. In fact, if I am not mistaken, this alcohol was also in the cocktail I mentioned back in November. I'll link to that in the show notes as well. Lastly, you then get some lemon juice.
Penny Casselman [00:10:16]:
You can do fresh. Usually, when I buy citrus at the grocery store, I bring it home and then it turns moldy. So I'm kind of a fan of the real lemon 100% juice bottles because they last a long time. Anyway, I opted not to make one while I'm recording. I know it's 5 o'clock somewhere, but I gotta stay focused to get this done. So I'm gonna pass on mixing it live. But let me just say, when you pour in Aperol and it starts migrating through the Miller High Life, the color turns this beautiful orange, and then you add the lemon. It just brightens it up, and it's this delicious summer seltzer.
Penny Casselman [00:11:04]:
So give it a try. I would love to hear. Email me. Let me know if you try this beverage and what you think of it because, like I said, you probably curls your nose up when I started. But I will tell you after your first sip, you may be a convert just like I am. In fact, I think it's my drink of the summer. So that's the alcoholic clarity cocktail. Now let's dive into the traditional clarity cocktail, and it comes to us from Warren Buffett, and it goes like this.
Penny Casselman [00:11:35]:
The best investment you can make is an investment in yourself. The more you learn, the more you'll earn. Oh, yeah. Now at first blush, it is very easy to think all Warren Buffett is talking about is money, and maybe he was only referring to money in that quote. However, it really got me thinking. What if we applied that insight to listening? Right? The best investment you can make is an investment in yourself. I am a firm believer in that idea. If you were fully present with every conversation that you've had, what would you earn from that? Would you get more respect at work because people feel and seeing you show up and listen? Would you earn more love from those you care about because they see how deeply you pay attention and you listen to what they're saying.
Penny Casselman [00:12:38]:
Perhaps you'd earn more connections. You would have those rich friendships that you've desired. And in making those connections lead you to even more connections that could help you earn more money or more prestige or more love, whatever that looks like. I would encourage you this next week to go take that first clarity cocktail. And while you're sipping on your refreshing spaghett, think on Warren Buffett's quote, the best investment you can make is an investment in yourself. The more you learn, the more you'll earn. And really think about how that can apply to not just the money in your life, all other aspects as well. And now back to the episode.
Penny Casselman [00:13:32]:
Cheers. Circling back to this idea of listening to others as a priceless gift, I talked about the 4 common barriers at the top of the episode, distracting technology, discomfort, self centeredness, and assumptions. I'll go into a few details here. Distracting technology, your phone. Duh. Your laptop, your desktop, your environment. I don't know if you have ever been to Vegas, but walking through a casino, it is mind numbing. The amount of sounds that barrel at you every second of every day.
Penny Casselman [00:14:14]:
I cannot stay inside for too long because it becomes overwhelming. It's distracting. In addition to the sounds that can bombard us wherever we go, there's also the one thing we carry around all the time, our cell phones. And make no mistake that big companies spend lots of money coordinating with psychologists to understand how they can hold our attention in an app longer, because my friend, that is how all these apps make money. Yes. There is massive psychology behind how they reel you in to try to get you to use your phone more. That is absolutely a distracting technique when it comes to having a conversation. Discomfort.
Penny Casselman [00:15:04]:
My friend, let me tell you, It takes 90 seconds for an emotion to completely make it through your body and get you out on the other side. When you are getting frustrated at what someone says or confused or angry, just breathe. Look at your watch. 90 seconds, and that feeling that is intense and starting to wash over you will dissipate. Discomfort also has to do with long pauses in conversations. We are so used to everything right in a row, phone. If you're bored with one thing, you go to another. You don't like what's on the radio, push a button, you're on to something else.
Penny Casselman [00:15:45]:
The discomfort in silence can be distracting when we are listening. Because if it goes on for too long, suddenly, we start internalizing and thinking about why aren't they saying anything? Did I say something wrong? You know the drill. The third is self centeredness. My friend, I cannot tell you how many times I've said this on the podcast, but when you think someone is thinking about you, hold up. Everyone is obsessed with themselves. Everybody is worried about, is there stuff in my teeth? Is my hair sticking up? Why didn't they do that? Why did I do that? Etcetera, etcetera. And because we are so self centered, it is challenging to be good at listening because it requires you to completely take your focus off of yourself and hone in on the one person you're having a conversation with. And the last is assumptions.
Penny Casselman [00:16:42]:
Those are just things that we carry with us from who knows when. Our childhood, our teen years, last week, something that happened to us, something tragic, something epic, something unexpected. Everything we experience in life gives us perspective and can take us down a path of making assumptions about other people, and that one's a big ouch. I constantly work and catch myself probably on a daily basis, reminding myself that's an assumption. So now that I've completely shoveled all of this negative information all in your ears and around you today, you're probably thinking that, yeah, it sounds great, but what the hell am I supposed to do? Okay. This is an exercise that I was introduced to through a program called positive intelligence. But I adore this exercise because it is a very fly way of getting you to pay attention without it being so overt and you must pay attention kind of thing. But it goes like this.
Penny Casselman [00:17:57]:
When you are having a conversation with someone, your response can start, I like what you said about blah, blah, blah, and it sounds too simple. Right? But because this phrase starts with, I like what you said about, you have to have something to follow that phrase. So maybe someone says, Penny, where do you wanna go to dinner? Now I can almost guess that that person already has an idea of where they would like to go, but they're not voicing it. So, Penny, where do you wanna go for dinner? I could respond with, oh, I love that idea of going to dinner tonight. And I was thinking, how about Italian? And the other person might say, oh, I really love Italian food, and I heard about this new place down in Little Italy. And then I might say, oh, I love Little Italy. And I also heard there was a steak restaurant. But do you see how this seesaw goes back and forth where each person feels heard? Because you're coming back to them with an idea that you heard, you were listening.
Penny Casselman [00:19:15]:
And by using, I like what you said about, and then weaving and allows you to express your thoughts as well. It's pretty amazing. We did it in a small group and we had to just keep going around and around and around, it got to be almost fun because everybody was focused on the conversations that were happening. It was very ingenious, this little phrase, this little quip that you can use to help rein in your listening skills. I can already hear a little pushback because when I was practicing this with a small group, we were all on the same page. We all knew what we were trying to practice. We all understood the, I like what you said and but what happens if you're with someone who you haven't told about this sneaky little way to hone your listening skills? Right? It can be frustrating when they are not reaffirming what you just said. So my suggestion in that scenario is every evening before you go to bed, ask yourself 2 questions.
Penny Casselman [00:20:28]:
1st, what interaction today was I a good listener? And give yourself some props for interactions that you had where you were present and felt like you were showing up 100% and giving that other person your attention. Then the second question to ask is, where could I improve in a similar situation? Maybe you were buying something at a store and you were checking out, and your mind was thinking about the next stop on your errand list. And the cashier asked you a question, and you looked up and had no idea what she just said. None at all. That could be an example. Where could I improve in a similar situation? Well, maybe the next time you go to check out at a store, keep your device away and just pay attention to what's being scanned, ask the person how their day is. By replaying a situation that has already happened will help you be a little bit more alert the next time you encounter a similar situation, and it might trigger you to tune in that listening skill a little bit more. We are halfway through the week, and I really wanna challenge you to think about how could my interactions, my relationships improve if I got even 1% better at listening is still an improvement.
Penny Casselman [00:21:55]:
Right? Like Warren Buffett said, the best investment you can make is an investment in yourself. The more you learn, the more you'll earn. And that is so true, my friend, when it comes to communication and listening, because you deserve phenomenal things in your life. You deserve everything you have ever dreamt. And I want you to feel empowered that you can learn new things, that you can get better at listening, and that listening is a true gift that you can give anyone at any time. And I do want you to take action to see if you can implement one of those two strategies. The, I like what you said and or you could reflect on your day before you go to bed. What interaction today was I a good listener, and where could I improve in a similar situation? With that, go out, use those ears, and have a fabulous rest of your week.
Penny Casselman [00:23:03]:
Friend, thanks for listening to this episode of pivot with passion. If you've been feeling stuck, exhausted, or frustrated, this is your permission slip to go grab a red marker and claim the life you desire and deserve. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend, and then hop over to rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. Because my goal is to put a red marker in everyone's hand and I need your help to spread the word and make that happen. Until the next episode, go grab a red marker, Get excited for your future and make your first move to pivot with passion.
